....... It Gets Worse! .........

never saw that on news at ten

It's a 'need to know' thing, Mache.

Typing of which, why is Plonk Lone Marina completely fenced around the sides? (I visited it recently)

Because it would look stupid fenced over.
Look at the state of Tonkers thread!

To stop Orox from watering

Apologies, Tonker.

Back to the topic.

'A crew from Leigh Fire Station were sent to Westbourne Avenue at 10.30pm on Friday night following a call from a worried resident. '

Wasn't 10:30 pm a bit premature for the widely reported event?

Typical Leyther then.

I want a chimney pig.

that chicken licken should be arrested for such scaremongering

I can sell you a Chimney, used once.

Chicken licken was banned in Leigh.

Hence the phrase 'spitting feathers'.

Latest

Dustaf said, "... the fact that Tonker had been practically disputing the fact that this happened over parts of Wigan on another thread"

No! I wasn't disputing that it could be 'seen' from anywhere near Wigan. I pointed out the fact that it's very small-minded to say it happened "over Winstanley" when it actually happened 'over the British Isles" and happened so high that it was seen from on the continent too!

So sue me.

The point being, how could a fire crew be dispatched to a specific street?

Apparently you can see the Moon from the Great wall of China.

In Leigh, anything is possible!

'Our House' as a pub name is proof of that.

Fire Brigade could end up anywhere.

Dear Sir/Madam/Automated telephone answering service,

Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Leigh police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead.

Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Leigh, by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or Ouija board.

As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in St Mary's Crescent, which is just off St Mary's Road in Leigh.

Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout the entire building.

This game is now in its third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.

The remaining five walking-abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed.

I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of Calor gas that is lying on its side between the two bins.

If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches.

Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen.

What I suggest is this - after replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a Panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.

I trust that when I take a claw hammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.

I remain sirs, your obedient servant

???????

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Mr ??????,

I have read your e-mail and understand your frustration at the problems caused by youths playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police.

As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you.

Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.

Regards

PC ?

Community Beat Officer

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear PC ?

First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original e-mail.

16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for Bodmin Police Station, and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next book.

Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has its own Community Beat Officer.

May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills? In the five or so years I have lived in St Mary's Crescent, I have never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself? Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one with a chin like a wash hand basin? It's surely only a matter of time before you are head-hunted by MI5.

Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Leigh, such as smoking in a public place or being Christian without due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these t***s that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere.

The pitch on Fairpark Road, or the one at Priory Park are both within spitting distance as is the bottom of the Par Dock, the latter being the preferred option especially if the tide is in.

Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to contact me on. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer, I'll buy you a large one in the Cat and Fiddle Pub.

Regards

?

P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you don't work for the cleansing department, with whom I am also in contact!!

(Leigh wasn't the real origin of the post, they ate the pigeon).

Are you intercepting peawapps mail ?

Red Dwarf

I didn't know that Bodmin was in Leigh?

Shhhh, thee!

See them asterisks ^^^^ (not asteroids) 14:38

Expect complaints.

Posted by: dostaf (35903)

I want a chimney pig.


Replied: 24th Sep 2012 at 16:51
Edit

Many a true word

'One fire engine from Wigan station attended the incident and the crew spent around two hours at the scene, using special nozzles attached to the top and bottom of the chimney to direct water at the flames.'

Chimney pig

Based in Leigh?

Could be handy.